Counting the Benefits of Practicing Mindfulness with Kids: Empathy

Empathy may seem like a "soft" skill, one that's not very important to acquire, or teach our children in order to be successful in school or life. But, new research on the topic shows that empathy is far from "soft", and actually plays an integral role in predicting kids' current and future happiness, success and overall well-being, according to Dr. Borba's book Unselfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World. Research shows that having the ability to empathize affects our heath, wealth, authentic happiness, relationship satisfaction, and ability to bounce back from adversity faster. In fact, Harvard Business Review named it one of the "essential ingredients for leadership success and excellent performance". And, just like all character traits, it is a skill that can be taught, learned, cultivated and lived.

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Bilingual Brains

Living in south Texas, my daughter June has already picked up a lot of Spanish, only referring to water as "aqua" and eggs as "huevos", and today she started at the Mustard Seed Academy, a full Spanish Immersion school. When June was just a baby, I read Thirty Million Words by Dr. Dana Suskind, a research-based book that proves that a child's brain grows 85% in the first three years of life, and a warm, loving positive language environment greatly enhances that growth, which affects life-long learning. In her book TMW, she shares the latest research on bilingualism, and discusses the verbal and non-verbal advantages of children who are bilingual. After reading this research, I knew I had to take advantage of the ubiquity of bilingualism that exists in San Antonio, and luckily for us, the Mustard Seed was just three blocks away.

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Connection Calms

I was working as a behavior interventionist at an inner-city charter school a couple years ago, and I distinctly remember the moment I realized that what my most behaviorally challenged kids needed was simply more connection, not more rules and discipline. I was called into a classroom to encounter a five-year-old boy walking around clearly very angry, chest puffed out, a scowl on this face, his hand in the air giving his entire Kindergarten class the middle finger... five.years.old. I guess my mommy instincts kicked in, or something, because I looked at that child and, I thought to myself, "the last thing that kid needs is another stern disciplinary response from another angry authoritative figure. What that kid needs is a hug." Since then, my whole approach to working with "behaviorally challenged" children changed to a connection first approach. 

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Talk to Your Kids About Tragedy

I am so glad my daughter is only 19 months so that I don't have to talk to her about events like the Manchester bombing... yet. It's only a matter of time. The reality is that terrorist attacks, shootings, and other tragedies will continue to occur in this World. I, for one, am so glad to see experts and organizations coming together to provide resources for us parents, educators and caregivers to know how to talk to our children about these horrible events. 

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Counting the Benefits of Practicing Mindfulness with Kids: Gratitude

Practicing gratitude might sound fluffy, unimportant, or unnecessary, but hard science shows there are many benefits to having a "gratitude attitude" (sorry, I had to). Having a daily gratitude practice, like keeping a gratitude journal or writing daily "thank you" notes increases your energy levels, improves relationships, and makes you happier and healthier, according to science.

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The Traveling Bug

In our early twenties, two of my girlfriends, Aly, Janell, and I had a crazy dream to travel the world. We saved all our money for over a year, quit our first "real" post-college jobs, and travelled to 13 countries and numerous cities from New Zealand to Australia, then Asia & Europe. Needless to say, it was one of the best decisions of our lives because we had an absolute blast, of course, but also because we learned so much about different people, food, cultures, perspectives and ways of living. Now, Aly is adamant that we pass the experience of travel down to our kids with our first stop being Tulum, Mexico in May, and research highly supports it, too!

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Counting the Benefits of Practicing Mindfulness with Kids: 3. Focused Attention

I once heard at a positive behavior training led by Dan St. Romain that a child's attention span = their age + or - two minutes, up to the age of 14. This means a five-year-old kindergarten student can realistically only pay attention for a whopping 3-7 minutes. An eighth grade fourteen-year-old middle school student can give you 12-16 minutes before he or she checks out. Add in hours of screen time full of fast-paced entertainment, and a child's ability to focus in the classroom decreases, while their need for loud, animated, rapid and exciting entertainment increases. This leaves teachers to fight a losing battle, vying for the attention of 25-30 students while delivering lesson plans of minimal entertainment for more than quadruple the amount of time a child is actually able to pay attention. 

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Counting the Benefits of Practicing Mindfulness with Kids: 2. Stress Reduction

Have you ever taken a shower, and when drying off thought, "Did I even wash my hair?" because you were so focused on rehearsing that crucial conversation you are supposed to have with your boss that day? Or have you ever driven somewhere thinking about the millions of things you have to do just to arrive at your destination, and realize you don't remember the drive, that you were on complete autopilot? That's ok. Me too. It's not your fault, or mine. Our brains are preconditioned to stress over the past, or worry about the future, instead of focusing on the present moment. Research shows us that this stress is really bad for our health, but also that there's a lot we can do to change the brains we were born with, even into adulthood. 

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Counting the Benefits of Practicing Mindfulness with Kids: 1. Self-Control

I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard a parent or teacher say, "He just needs to learn to calm down, control his temper, not talk back, stop yelling, or not hit his sister when he gets mad." In other words, he just needs to learn self-control. Expecting kids to just learn self-control is like expecting them to just learn math, but actually even harder because the part of the brain that learns math is developed, but the part of the brain that would help them calm down, the prefrontal cortex, doesn't completely mature until the early twenties. 

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Counting the Benefits of Practicing Mindfulness with Kids

I've mentioned before in previous posts that I started practicing mindfulness, or mindful meditation, back in March when I stumbled upon Dr. Lindsay Bira's meet-up group. (See the video below about mindfulness if you have no idea what I'm talking about.) Mindfulness, again, isn't some weird, fluffy hippie stuff; it is research-based science that proves that you can train your brain to have better focus, attention and emotional regulation. After attending a couple drop-in mindfulness classes guided by Dr. Bira, I began to notice physical and mental benefits: my stress/anxiety level had decreased drastically, I felt like I could think more clearly (no more mommy brain!), and, overall I was calmer and happier. Knowing I would be returning to work as an inner-city charter school educator in the not so distant future, I began thinking about how practicing brief mindfulness techniques in the classroom could benefit the staff, but especially my (K-4) students who seemed to lack the basic ability to focus, emotional and behavioral regulation, and self-control. Coincidentally, Dr. Bira had recently trained an elementary school staff in mindfulness practices, and was happy to train ours. 

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How to Raise Kinder Kids, According to the Experts

Despite a tough political season, I still have so much hope for our children's future because of the many parents, grandparents, caregivers and educators (from both parties) I have spoken with who are ready to roll up their sleeves, and get busy raising a generation of kids that are kinder, more understanding, accepting and loving. Fortunately for us, there is a growing body of research called behavioral economics that explores the sometimes irrational ways we all make decisions and think about the world. The hope of the researchers, according to Karen Weese, is that maybe if we can understand a little more about the instinctive, irrational quirks of our kids' minds, then we'll be better equipped to raise children to become caring, respectful and responsible adults. According to Adam Grant's article Raising a Moral Child, studies suggest that anywhere from a quarter to more than half of our propensity to be giving and caring is inherited (i.e. nature). That leaves us a lot of room for nurture, for us to use these researched-based recommendations to mold our children's hearts, and encourage their actions. So, let's get started.

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One Year, Twenty-nine Words

Hi. Bye. Bubbles. Mama. Dada. Granddad. Up. Aqua. Ball. Baba. Tickle. Poof. Boo. Moo. Banana. Purple. Hello. Uh-oh. Quack. Woof. Puff. Chris. Thank you. Gus. Diaper. Good. Book. Ooops. and Butt paste... This is the list of words that we have heard our daughter June say in recent weeks leading up to her first birthday compiled by her grandparents, her dad and myself. If you've read my blog, or if you know me at all, I hope you know by now that I am not writing this to brag. As an educator, I am so passionate about sharing any information I can with other moms, dads, caregivers, or anyone willing to read, that will help them to know how important their role is in their child's brain development. In fact, in her book Thirty Million Words, Dr. Dana Suskind says, "the most important component in brain development is the relationship between the baby and his or her caretaker."

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Take a Moment to be in the Moment

Since about March I have been practicing mindfulness, or mindfulness meditation, which is simply trying to focus on the moment you are in, recognizing when your mind starts to wonder to other things, then bringing it back to the present moment over, and over, again, and again, without judgment. It's actually incredibly hard because our brains are preconditioned to perseverate over the past, or worry about the future, instead of being in the present. Practicing mindfulness has helped me tune-in to the moment, while in the moment, instead of thinking about the past or worrying about the future.

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Simply Tune-in

In her book Thirty Million Words Dr. Dana Suskind informs us that a child's brain grows 85% in the first three years of life, and that growth is completely dependent on the language environment in which the child is exposed to, which WE, as parents, provide (or not). In her book, she guides us to create the optimal language environment in "three simple steps", called the Three T's: tune-in, talk more and take turns. Lately, I have been making a very conscience effort to "tune-in" with my daughter, June, for the few hours we get to spend together each evening by putting my phone away, turning my thoughts off and engaging in her little world.

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Good News Grandparents, FaceTime is NOT Screen Time

My husband and I live 1,111 miles away from our family, which means our daughter, June lives 1,111 miles away from her closest grandparent. So, naturally, we get several FaceTime calls a week, and by "we" I really mean June. My mom doesn't even try to pretend like she's calling to talk to me anymore. She'll even text me saying, "What's June doing right now?" If I say she's napping, or she's out with her dad, she'll write back, "ok, talk later!" (I don't blame her one bit, though. I can't imagine being 1,111 miles away from June.) So, with six grandparents, and at least double that amount of aunts and uncles, we spend a good amount of time Facetiming. Luckily, FaceTime does not count as screen time.

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Tuned-Out

I recently started back to work as a character development teacher after having spent seven months at home with my daughter, June. I have been shocked at myself because I thought I would soak in every precious, golden second I could with her after going from being with her 24-hours a day to approximately four, if I'm lucky. Instead, too often, I find myself thinking "I'm just going to grab my phone to turn on music for us", and ten minutes later I'm still checking Emails, or texting my mom pictures of her, or watching another clip from The Late Night Show about the political craziness our country has found itself in. I have to constantly remind myself to put my phone away, and tune-in. 

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The Rules of Two to Tackle the Terrible, Terrible-Two's

There is nothing I love more than a good tantrum. Seriously. Some people like to watch thunderstorms from their front porch, or cat videos on YouTube. Not me. I love a good ol' fashioned melt-down. (As long as it's not my child, of course.) I was out to lunch with a friend the other day, and she called me out on completely ignoring her to watch this mother daughter duo have it out in the middle of the restaurant. The toddler ran across the dinning room away from her mom twice. It was awesome. I even follow an Instagram account called @assholeparents that is dedicated to posting children having tantrums over ridiculous things like a boy's mom giving him the blue bowl instead of his sister's pink one, or a couple of parents not letting their daughter have birthday presents, when it wasn't her birthday. I highly recommend you follow the account so that us parents can bond over the absurdity of our children. 

And that's exactly the point. Tantrums, more often than not, make no sense, begin out of nowhere and over nothing, and, when met with logical reasoning, only seem to escalate. Last year, when I was working as a behavior interventionist, it was my sole job to understand the tantrums of five and six-year-olds, and to try to prevent their reoccurence. I'll be the first to admit that I had no idea there was so much neuroscience behind tantrums, and I wish I knew then what I have recently learned. In The Whole-Brain Child, authors Daniel Siegel and Tina Bryson do an amazing job of explaining the brain science behind tantrums. The authors write that there are two specific types of tantrums that come from two different regions of the brain, not to be confused with the two different hemispheres of the brain, which are also extremely important to understanding tantrums. I'll explain...

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Teaching Children Tolerance

Disclaimer: This is more of an Op-Ed post, if you will. So far, all of my blog posts have been research-based, but this one is written about my experience of teaching children tolerance, empathy and respect as a behavior intervention and character development teacher. After the worst shooting in U.S. history, I feel compelled to do my little part of spreading love, peace and tolerance to anyone willing to read.

Sunday morning I sat in bed reading the news and watching videos on the mass shooting at an Orlando nightclub that killed 49 men and women, and injured 53 others. I was so sad, and angry; I could literally feel my blood boiling in my body while tears rolled down my face. Luckily, I had been asked attend a prenatal yoga class that afternoon as a sort-of "graduate" to share how practicing yoga helped me in pregnancy, and through the birthing process. Before class started, the mommies-to-be in the room were asked to go around the room, and share how many weeks along they were, and how they were feeling that day. One of the women broke down crying on her mat about the Orlando tragedy, scared of the type of world she is bringing her baby into. We all sat crying, thinking about the pain and suffering of this sometimes scary world until one mom spoke up, and said "you know, it's ok to grieve, and we all should. But, we can also feel empowered, and encouraged that we have the opportunity to raise these children of ours to be the ones that spread love, that show tolerance and respect to others. We get to raise a new generation of people, and I think that's a gift."

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Grit and Angela Duckworth. Yes and Yes.

Have you heard of this buzz word "grit"? Of Angela Duckworth? Yes and yes? Then you must be as giddy as I am about her new book Grit. No, you haven't heard of her?! If not, please keep reading because her research on grit applies to you whether you're a CEO, an entry-level coffee runner aspiring to become CEO, an artist, actress, athlete, student, educator, a mom, or dad. Basically, if you want to succeed at what you're doing, then her research, and recently published book Grit. The Power of Passion and Perseverancewill help you do just that.

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Save Your No's

Two summers ago, my girlfriend Aly and her one-year-old son Gatsby came to visit me. Being in a new place, her son was, of course, exploring everything. As he would get into things in our non-baby proof house I noticed Aly kept saying "Eh, eh, eh." "Gastby, eh, eh, eh!" "eh, eh, buddy!" Finally I had to ask her, "Ok, what's up with all the eh, eh, eh's? Why don't you tell him 'no'?" She said that she had heard it's good to save your no's. I asked her about this recently, after reading about it in the book Thirty Million Words, and she responded "I did that?" "Oh my god. I tell him no all the time now." Yep, sounds about right... Reality trumps the best of intentions.

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